Can You Hear Me Now?

Convenience. Let's talk about it. Technological advances have done nothing if not increase convenience. This is most readily seen in advances with cell phone technology. I remember well folks carrying around these old timers:


Of course I'm talking about the phone, not the dude. Just to clarify, old dudes are still cool and on the forefront of modern technology. Back to phones. In the past few years cell phone technology advanced extremely fast. Smaller phones. Snake, Snake II, Breakout. MP3 technology. But for all the hype about how convenient cell phones are, in my opinion they have been rather inconvenient.

See, despite all the advances in cell phone technology, the fundamental problem remains: moving the phone from your pocket (or perhaps your cell phone clip) to your ear.
Luckily all that changed with bluetooth technology. Bluetooth solves the problem of having to move the phone all the way to your ear to use your cell phone. In all honesty, I have never used bluetooth because I don't have the education or the sufficient number of ill-fitting polo shirts, although I do have a few.

Gentlemen (and I suppose ladies) who own bluetooth headsets for cell phones love convenience more than the average person. A bluetooth headset says a lot about a person. First, they likely spend a lot of time commuting. In Utah I'm pretty sure the majority of bluetooth users live in Bluffdale and Herriman, but they could venture as far east as Sandy or as far north as Fruit Heights. They truly believe listing to talk radio will help Hannitize this November's election. They probably do not regularly use iPods (since their ear(s) are already in use). Unless of course an iPhone works with bluetooth. Holy crap, I think I just blew my mind. An iPhone and TWO bluetooth headsets? That would be redonkulous. I also imagine the typical bluetooth user loves Carl's Jr. and comically large fountain drinks (both very convenient). In reality a bluetooth headset quickly becomes less of an accessory and more of an extension of one's ear. Science is the best!

Bluetooth is just the latest in a long line of convenience-enhancing devices for these folks. Let me highlight just one of the most essential advances in convenience from the last ten years or so.

Shoes without laces. Although velcro was the first, these babies are essentially a quantum leap (here or here, you choose) in laceless footwear: Suede slip-ons are casual enough for hangin' at the beach and classy enough to wear with a suit. They work with socks and work even better without socks. Really, they are just an extension of one's feet. Sort of like how a tattoo becomes a part of you. Gone are the days of bending over to put on a shoe. People with slip-ons laugh in the face of suckers who have to tie their shoes at least once per day. And let's not forget about safety. Chances of someone wearing traditional shoes tripping on an untied lace: 1 in 1,000. Chances of someone wearing slip-ons tripping on an untied lace: zero! Also, that reduction in bending saves your back. But I should point out that most dudes with suede slip-ons also own, and routinely wear, superbelts, so back strain, especially in the lumbar region, isn't too much of a concern anyway. Superbelts may not be super convenient, but they are super awesome.

For the convenience loving population there really is nothing better than bluetooth headsets. No wasted arm movement. No need to take the hands off of 10 and 2. No need to stop talking on the phone while eating a Six Dollar Burger. And don't even get me started on the back-wrenching ordeal those of you who don't use bluetooth endure every time you reach into your pocket to grab your phone.

If you made it to the end of this monster, here is Larry David's take on bluetooth dudes.