Will You Stay and Rock My World?

I bet you thought you'd heard the last of me. Well, loyal reader, you were dead wrong. I'm back!

FYI, I finished taking the bar exam today (see you in February, bar examiners). I'm glad to have that out of the way, but, as of today at 4:30 I am no longer a law school graduate studying for the bar exam, I am just an unemployed law school graduate. Sort of sucks.

Needless to say, today was a little bitter sweet. I was looking for something awesome to brighten my day, but I wasn't too hopeful. Lizzy did great on the crockpot lasagna, but stupid tenants at the apartments (save that one for another blog) kept bugging me so I couldn't enjoy my dinner.

And then it happened. Like he has done so many times in the past, Bret Michaels comes along to light a candle to illuminate the darkness that surrounds me.

Bret is the star of a new reality show on VH1 called Rock of Love. You already know the premise of the show, a guy is put into a big house with a bunch of girls who are tying to woo him and become, in this case, a rock star's (or is that a former rock star's) girlfriend. In many ways it is like every other show: tons of editing to make something watchable out of pure crap, obvious coaching by producers, and completely ridiculous "dates." But this shows adds a certain something extra. It took me a long time to figure out exactly what makes this show the best ever, but after literally several seconds of thinking it finally made sense.

First, I'm a HUGE Poison fan. I had the privilege of going to their 1999 show at Rocky Mountain Speedway. It was Poison's first tour in years and they were touring with L.A. Guns, Warrant, and RATT. (Sidenote: That was the first and only time that a sweaty, shirtless, drunken Native American tried grinding me). It was a great show.

Second, my wife married me basically because Poison is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Add Poison and a classy Bronco (yes, that's me) and you've got a deadly combination that a girl from West Jordan can't resist.

Third, I basically wrote the end of Something to Believe In "You take the high road, I'll take the low road." If you ask me, that made the song a hit.

Fourth, the only thing better than a stripper twenty years past her prime is a dozen strippers twenty years past their prime. Since the missus is sitting next to me, I won't run a Google search for strippers. Anyway, they are some classy chicks.

Fifth, and finally, Bret's phrase for the rose ceremony (in this case, a backstage pass) is, "Will you stay and rock my world?"

I don't know about Rodeo, Chastity, Faith, Dusty, Roxxy, or the other girls, but I will, Bret. I will.