You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Learning a foreign language is very valuable. I was lucky enough to learn German as a missionary in Austria. When I returned I majored in German at the University of Utah (otherwise known as the Harvard of the west). Unfortunately, since I have been out of the German program at the U., there really hasn't been a lot of opportunities to speak the language and without practice, things go downhill very quickly.

Every once in a while I will hear a German interview on TV. It is usually on the History Channel and more often than not it an old German guy talking about how Hitler duped his countrymen into pursing the Final Solution. Even though most of what is said is just regurgitated excuses, it is nice to hear German and pretend, even for just a minute, that I am a better translator than the one the History Channel hired.

One thing that has become a huge pet peeve of mine is the current use of "uber" in English. If you read cool magazines like Rolling Stone and GQ or if you watch MTV at all, you have come across this word. Typically, an English-speaker uses the word as a superlative to replace "super." Those people are idiots.

In German "ueber" (I don't know how to use umlauts on blogger) means many different things. Most German words are just combinations of other words. For example, "backen" mean "to bake", "Stein" mean "rock", so "Backstein" means "brick." See, you just build words out of other words. "Ueber" is a preposition when used alone (it can mean about, above, across, at, beyond, by, etc.), it can also be an adverb (again, tons of different meanings depending on context), and it can be a prefix to a noun.

I think the prefix to a noun part is where cool guys distort the meaning of the word. The concept of an "Uebermensch" comes from Friedrich Nietzsche. You can read about it all on Wikipedia if you want, but for the purposes of this blog it is sufficient to say that "Uebermensch" translates to "super-human" or, as it is commonly mistranslated, "super-man."

I think the current misuse of the word started with Dana Carvey in Wayne's World when he referred to Claudia Schiffer as an "uber-babe." It appears that the same guy that helped popularize the "not joke" is responsible for the "uber" phenomenon as well. The difference is that "not jokes" are comedy gold, but "uber" is retarded. Not even Carvey, who hasn't made a dime since Wayne's World 2, is cautious about using words from that era.

Now other tools (here , and here) are using the word and convincing impressionable youths that using the word to mean "super" is perfectly acceptable and even sometimes the coolest superlative ever conceived. By the by, at BYU a tool is called a silky boner. I understand these guys don't know any better, but I really wish that we could stop this madness.

If you routinely use the word "uber," you need to stop immediately. I promise that you will feel better about yourself. You didn't believe me when I told you to take off the stupid pucca shell necklace, but now that you are employable, you know that I was right. If you know someone who has used the word, tell them that there is hope for them too. With all of the madness in the world, we need to find some common ground to build upon. I suggest that the common ground we can all agree on is that "uber" should not be used to mean "super."

Thanks for your time. NOT!

Morgan Spurlock Sucks

I love documentaries. When I was in 7th grade Ken Burns' Civil War was on PBS and I loved every second it. The same goes for Burns' Baseball series. During my glorious seven month stay in the Austria Vienna Mission Home I watch Trail of Hope: The Story of the Mormon Trail at least once per week. A few months ago Netflix mistakenly sent us a documentary (I don't remember the name) in the sleeve of another movie. The documentary was about a kiddie fiddler (is that Dave Coulier?), a subject I generally try to avoid, but the story was still interesting.

My brother just finished making a documentary about Helper, Utah. That doesn't have much to do with what I want to talk about, but I figured this is the most advertising he is going to get, so I might as well throw it out there. Look for it on KUED sometime soon!

Back to the business at hand.

Documentaries have become mainstream in the last few years. I guess we can thank Michael Moore for most of the current buzz about documentaries. Michael Moore isn't a typical documentarian because he usually tries to make himself central to whatever story he is trying to tell. It worked for him for a long time. Roger & Me is a great film and Bowling for Columbine was pretty good too. I admit I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11 mostly because I think Moore went too far with it (not the story, because I haven't seen it, but the promotion). In fact, I don't know that anyone remembers much about that movie except that Michael Moore hates President Bush. You don't really need to make a documentary about that.

I think Moore has lost some relevence and will continue to do so as long as he makes his films about how liberal his views are and how messed up the current administration is. The only thing that is saving Moore from being the joke of the documentary world is Morgan Spurlock.

Spurlock is an idiot.

Supersize Me was a load of crap. Spurlock didn't really tell a story, he came up with a conclusion and then create an "experiment" to guarantee a result. If there is one thing I know, it is how to order at McDonald's. Spurlock went over the top with his menu choices to guarantee that he would get fat. No one ever orders an apple pie AND a sundae. Come on, Morgan. Because he went so over the top he really hurt his credibility. And it was probably unnecessarily over the top because he likely would have had similar results (although perhaps not as extreme) if he had just ordered like a regular person. I'm a fat man and the Number 2 supersized was all it took for me to get that way. Morgan also had other "side effects" from eating exclusively at McDonald's. He was lethargic, battled headaches and depression, and had a hard time "performing" for his girlfriend. Maybe "hard" is the wrong word? Morgan, who likely has not completed a lot of courses in scientific research, made a fundamental mistake with his conclusions in Supersize Me. He contributed most of the adverse health effects to McDonald's less-than-healthy food when I would argue, in my scientific opinion, that 75-80% of Morgan's problems stem from being a pussy, not from eating fatty foods.

Now Spurlock has a show on F/X called 30 Days. The idea is that someone lives a life other than the one they are used to. Morgan decided to live the life of a person on minimum wage. Then he went on Oprah to talk about it. During Morgan's 30 days as a minimum wage earner he got sick and had to go to a hospital. Since people who make minimum wage don't have insurance, he decided to not have insurance. Morgan makes some conclusions about why minimum wage laws are so bad, but I'm not exactly sure what he is arguing. On Oprah he said Americans need to write their representatives in Congress to ask them to address the issue. It isn't clear if he is talking about minimum wage laws, universal healthcare, poor people in general, or something else. I don't think he really thought that far ahead, and he probably doesn't care. I guess the conclusion is that capitalism sucks.

The worst part about Spurlock is that some people who might agree with some of his arguments (if they can figure out exactly what he is arguing) are turned off by him because he goes to extremes. But, then again, I guess a documentary that concludes with a rational discussion of pros and cons of fundamental social change is sort of boring.

The reason for this blog is to warn my loyal reader to watch out for Morgan Spurlock because he sucks.

Here is a list of documentaries you should check out if you want to be as smart as I am:

The Merchants of Cool (you can find it on Frontline's website on pbs.org along with a lot of other interesting stories)
Spellbound
Roger & Me
Murderball
Anything by Ken Burns
New York Doll
Murder on a Sunday Morning

Any I'm missing?