Those are some pretty sweet gifts, but I'm afraid even those gifts pale in comparison to the gift she received on Wednesday from the Sacred Heart Medical Center Urgent Care in beautiful downtown Eugene, Oregon. Earlier in the week Lizzy slipped on the kitchen floor and broke her arm. I didn't think there was any way a healthy, young gal like her could break a bone from a little fall, so we waited a day and some change before we went to the doctor. She was able to move her arm and there wasn't much swelling or anything, so I figured it wasn't a big deal. As most of my readers know, I am CPR certified which means I can accurately diagnose and treat almost any ailment. In fact, since I accurately diagnosed Jon Matthews with a concussion in fourth grade, I've had a pretty good track record with these things. My streak ended with this one. So again, sorry honey.
Here are some highlights from our visit to Urgent Care:
- When we first arrived we were greeted with the pungent aroma of filthy hippie and aimless drifter. It is a distinct scent, but one every Eugene resident is familiar with.
- I have met some sassy office ladies in my day, but none like the admitting gal at Urgent Care. This gal was a walking anachronism. She had a very modern wireless headset but offset the new technology with her Aqua Net-rich feathered hairdo. At one point I had to give her my social security number. When I walked up to her I felt her look into my soul. I didn't have to say a word because she already knew. I just said it out loud anyway just to keep from freaking out. I can't get those piercing eyes out of my head. I wonder what else she stole from my soul?
- This is Lizzy's doctor
- When Lizzy first told the doctor what happened, he looked at me like I had beaten her. After I told him to mind his own business or he would "fall on the kitchen floor" too, he was a lot nicer.
- After x-rays the doctor explained that Lizzy has a "kinda broken arm." This is apparently a very technical medical term and we weren't given any further explanation. Lots of ins and outs and what-have-yous.
- Two nurses, Betsy and Ruth, helped put a cast on Lizzy. It took them a few tries to figure out how to do it. Once they had it figured it out, they moved quickly. They also gave us an extra ace bandage. I think that was because of my charming wit and striking features.
- When we got back to the car Lizzy was literally beaming with excitement. Her entire life she has wanted a broken arm. Now she has one. That lasted about four hours. The cast is heavy and itchy. She is pretty miserable. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. At least now she has some narcotics.
Happy Birthday, sweetie!
7 comments:
What a momentous event in my life. I feel like I'm finally part of something great now that I've kinda broke a bone. Sure I can't dress myself or type with two hands anymore, I have finally broken a bone. A bone!
And thanks again for the shoulder pads!!! You're the best!
gth, anonymous.
Just so you guys know, once you enter the solemn doors at Sacred Heart you become a full-fledged hippy. Soon you will be joining drum circles, covering your car with stickers criticizing Bush, forgetting why you ever used deoderant, smoking tons of reefer, hanging out with Rick (who isn't a hippy but probably knows some), and joining OUTLAWS (GLTB law group) and LAW (land air water environmental freaks) groups.
The only cure? Listening to Skynnard, G 'n' R, and Tesla for 3 months straight. Good luck.
so your freaking funny! im sitting in bed with the laptop, Had just finished working, he's tired, he's trying to catch a little shut-eye, it's 11:00 and i'm laughing hysterically (did i spell that right??) Anyways, i know i am speaking for many of us (well, those outside OR) when i say i wish you had a camera phone!
sorry about the fall, liz. but i just love that cast smell. they need to capture that in a bottle and sell it at the mall. oh, and i meant reefer smell. i read that in one of the comments. that will make your pain go away. like this... ah yeah. that's the stuff...
I think they already have a perfume that smells like that, Kris. It's called Curious by Britney Spears.
Ahh the smell of filthy hippie and aimless drifter. I know that smell well. All the people who let us teach them on my mission smelled like that. There is a sweet smell to it (from the rum), and then a 3 part mixture of wet dog, corn chips, and butt.
You just know you are somewhere special when your nostrils catch a hint of that smell.
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