iPod Changed My Life

There are very few positive aspects of being a law student. The following comment from Tyler Durden seems appropriate: "If the applicant waits at the door for three days without food, shelter or encouragement, then he can enter and begin training." For the record, Project Mayhem is way more interesting than law school. Given the choice between the two, you should choose the former.

Despite the difficulties presented by law school, there are some perquisites that are pretty nice. One of the best one is free access to online databases that contain tons of interesting information like mortgage records, arrest records, and average income in your ZIP code. If you are creative enough to come up with the right search terms, you can find pretty much anything you want. There are two major companies who operate the databases and for the most part they are almost identical in terms of material available. The database proprietors stand to make a lot of money by getting law students hooked on their particular service, so they give us free access to a lot of their content. Not only that, but they give us reward points for answering questions that demonstrate your understanding of their services. Moreover, a few times each semester the respective companies send sales reps who provide free lunch and even more reward points just for attending training sessions.

I have attended every training session since my first year of school (often choosing to go to training sessions instead of less practical meetings about job hunts and networking). Needless to say, I have had a lot of free meals and earned a lot of rewards points.

In December I cashed in some of my points and "bought" the family an iPod. Although we haven't used it as much as I thought we would, it is slowing becoming a necessity for any trip outside of the house. I take it with me when I check the mail, and it saved my life on a flight from Portland to Las Vegas.

The best place I have found to use the iPod is the grocery store. We shop at WinCo, the greatest store in world. Actually, it is a pretty bare-boned store. The kind of place where you bag your own groceries, try to stay out of the way of the employees, and make sure you sanitize your hands when you leave.

The first time I took the iPod, I was a little nervous. I didn't want to look like a wiener. Most of the folks to the WinCo are somewhere south of affluent, so walking around with an iPod can look a little out of place. I quickly got over my initial fears and now I only go grocery shopping if I have the iPod with me.

I keep the iPod on shuffle so that I can listen to a bunch of different songs. On Saturday my setlist was especailly appropriate for a trip to the store.

First song, Harvester of Sorrow by Metallica.

When you walk into WinCo you walk through a chute that spits you out at the produce section. If you're not pumped up when you get to the end of the chute there is a good chance that you will be trampled by these guys getting great deals on bananas.

Second song, 1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins.

It is a good song.

Next up, A New Hope by blink 182.

I don't really like blink 182. They are on the iPod to make the missus happy. But I listened to the song at the store and it was fun. I don't think this the actual video, but since my loyal reader is also a Star Wars fan, re will love it.

There were a bunch of other songs in here, but I don't really remember what they were. Probably some Poison and Tesla. I was busy pricing meat.

I closed the set with A Plea from a Cat Named Virtue by The Weakerthans.

If you don't like this band, you suck. Best band to come out of Canada with the exception of The Guess Who, Alanis Morresette, and Rush.
It was a good song to wind down and get ready to bag my groceries.

I put the iPod away before I get to the checkstand because I'm an excellent bull sh*tter and I like to chat up the checker.

Lots of people use iPods when the exercise. Those people are idiots. If you haven't used yours at the grocery store, you need to start. I would say I'd be interested in hearing your experiences with songs, but I would be lying.

A New Profile Picture

Similarities?

Everyone who has seen Nathan Jr. and me together says that we look a like. The only similarity I see is that we are both generally bored out of our minds.

 

 

 

 

Synergy!

So, like most Tuesday afternoons, I was spending some time looking at the websites for some of my favorite LDS performers and stumbled upon this gem:



As you know, Orin Hatch is the reason I decided to become a lawyer and Barry Manilow is the reason my wife and I are married. This picture for me is like a picture of Cindy Crawford and Michael Jordan together to a 14 year old boy in 1992: it explains my entire existence.

Links to some of my other favorites:
www.jannicekappperry.com, www.kurtbestor.com, www.jonschmidt.com

Nathan Jr.

A Disgusting Display

Occasionally, news from the NBA makes it into network news broadcasts. It used to be that the story was about the celebration of an NBA season finally ending (some people say it is because of the championship, but I know it is a celebration of not having to watch any more basketball games for a few months). In recent years the biggest stories from the NBA have been about the off-court antics of the league's biggest stars. It is disheartening to know that young men who have such promise are willing to risk everything on stupid mistakes.

Besides all of the off-court crap, in the past few years NBA stars have started bringing their reckless behavior onto the court and into the crowds with fist fights.

The most recent episode was last week during the New York Knicks versus Denver Nuggets game. The details of the fight aren't really important; it is sufficient to know that a hard foul at the end of the game turned into a bench-clearing brawl between the two teams. Here is a video of it:

The NBA currently has a reputation problem and when players fight it only exacerbates that problem. This morning, David Stern, the NBA's commissioner, announced fines and suspensions for players that were involved in the latest fight. In a press release Mr. Stern said, "The NBA and its players represent a game of extraordinary skill, athleticism and grace, and, for good or bad, set an example for the entire basketball world, on and off the court, [when our player are seen fighting like girls, it reflects poorly not only on the NBA but on all basketball players and fan throughout the world. Until these guys can learn to fight like men, we will continue to fine and suspend players. I have seen better fights between pre-school girls. I don't really want to get into the complete lack of technique exhibited by our players, but I think Carmelo had his thumb tucked into his fist when he threw that punch. Then, he turns and runs like a baby. Unbelievable.]"

The NBA tries really hard to appeal to inner-city youth. There really isn't much natural appeal for kids who lead fairly rough lives to be interested in a game played by privileged, millionaire whiners. To relate to the kids, the NBA encourages its athletes to lead a "thug life." So the players go to strip clubs, release crappy rap albums, and star in movies. Then a few players lose it on the court, get in a fight, punch like girls, run away from each other, and set the League's "street cred" back a few years (not to mention a few million dollars in merchandise).

During their suspensions, players are sent to fight training schools to practice throwing punches and learn that even if you are going to lose a fight, it is better to stand there and get your butt kicked than it is to run away. Unfortunately, it isn't working. This latest fight taught us that the players have not learned the lessons they were supposed to learn after the Pisons versus Pacers fight two years ago.

Some argue that the disgusting display isn't that the players can't fight, but that they lose control to the point that they resort to fighting. That is a misguided assumption. There is plenty of fighting in other professional sports and it is totally acceptable. So the problem can't be that the fights are happening in the NBA, but that when the fights do happen, the players embarrass themselves with their limp-wristed fighting style.

In real sports, the players know how to fight and fighting is just part of the game. Sure there are suspensions, fines, and penalties, but those are only enforced to appease casual viewers who don't know how integral fighting is to those sports. In fact, in baseball, players who are suspended for charging the mound or beaning batters serve their "suspension" in the Bahamas.

Basketball sucks for a lot of reasons. In fact, there are too many reasons to list in this blog. Although parts of it will always suck (the length of the season, boring games, chest-bumping), the NBA could do themselves a huge favor by teaching the players how to fight like grown men. That's all.

Here are some videos of real athletes in real fights.





Oh, and here is a VMI cheerleader teaching a Citadel cadet a lesson.

Baby Basics - Debra Style

Occasionally the thought crosses my mind that I could live in Eugene after school is over. I mean, the summers are pretty nice (if you have A/C), and the winters aren't all that bad. Sure, it rains a lot, but it isn't like I'm going to go outside and exercise or anything. I might walk to the car, but that's about it. And I say "might" because as soon as I can afford a Rascal, I won't be walking anywhere. That translates to even less time spent out in the elements.

Lizzy isn't too keen on the idea of sticking around here a day longer than we have to. And to be honest, even though I sometimes think Eugene doesn't suck that bad, as soon as I catch a whiff of nature's smelling salts, I quickly snap out of my delusions.

If all goes to plan, Nathan Jr. will be here in six weeks or so. In an effort to not cause any unnecessary damage to him, we thought it would be a good idea to take some classes about childbirth and baby care. We started on Monday and it was great. Our teacher, Heidi, did a great job and we're looking forward to going back to more classes taught by her. Last night we went to a class taught by Debra. Debra has bought into the whole "nature's way is better" and all that bull sh*t. Needless to say, Debra was the smelling salts I needed to awake from the fog of thinking Eugene isn't that bad.

Here is a taste of Baby Basics - Debra Style:

1. Circumcision is only for Jews.

You may not know this, but circumcision is for people who live in deserts and don't shower very often. In fact, very few cultures circumcise their male babies. Debra tried hard to conceal her contempt for those who choose to circumcise, but it was pretty clear that she is not a fan. Apparently, the trend nowadays is to not circumcise babies, especially in the Pacific Northwest.

Despite her best efforts, Deb didn't convince me to allow Nathan Jr. to be a Snuffleupagus or an anteater, choose your euphemism. Circumcision is a cosmetic procedure, but it is not an elective cosmetic procedure; it is pretty much necessary. Also, Mormons love to compare themselves to Jews (Sidenote: if you think I should be saying Jewish people, I disagree. Please see BA's insightful comments on Jews/Jewish People). If Orrin Hatch can hang a Mezzuzah on his door post, I can have my kid circumcised.

2. Olive oil cures everything.

What's that? You think Johnson and Johnson is trying to control the universe one baby bath at a time? You're right! All you need is a little olive oil. It is probably pretty hard to hold a soapy baby, but I bet a greased up baby is a lot harder to hold. I think the idea was just dump some olive oil on the baby and let the flies clean it. Look, it doesn't make sense to me either, but that is the best I can come up with.

3. When possible, take your shirt off to hold the baby.

Apparently you can only bond with a baby if it can see your nipples. This is true for both mom and dad. Babies need to feel loved and nothing says love like a pasty, white, bare chest. Also, if possible, grow some more chest hair. Maybe I will be a bad parent, but I don't think Nathan Jr. will ever see me with my shirt off. Not only is it gross, but it is also confusing for babies. Some nipples produce milk, some don't; and as far as a baby can tell, they probably look very similar. Sometimes I can barely tell the difference.

Deb did a great job pushing her agenda. I'm sure families following her suggestions will do just fine. Maybe she is right. Maybe babies will only bond with you if they can eat whatever is caught in your chest hair. Maybe olive oil really does replace every man-made product (although olive oil isn't entirely completely natural, I mean, someone had to press the olives, right?). Maybe Nathan Jr. will be the only kid who is circumcised because "the trend is towards not circumcising." If that turns out to be the case, I'm OK with it. He'll appreciate being the only kid whose parents loved him enough that they decided that he could learn enough about smegma from Wikipedia.

Oh, and we're not staying in Eugene a day longer than we have to.

NPR Asks for Your Donations

NPR is currently doing its annual (or is it monthly?) donation drive.

This is the worst time to listen to NPR for several reasons. First, all the regularly-scheduled programs are interrupted by NPR lackies to ask for money. Second, suggested contributions are always compared to the current price of a latte. Third, the DJs (or whatever they are called) use guilt totally ineffectively.

I have never contributed to NPR and I probably never will. If NPR weren't on the radio, I could find something else to listen to. And another thing, what is so bad about having NPR run commercials? I mean the donation drive takes up as much time as commercials do anyway.

When you get right down to it, NPR won't get any money from me because the stories they run aren't that great and I can get the news from a million other sources. If NPR starts running some good stories, I'll start donating.

Here's an example:

Time with the Missus

Lizzy loves the Gilmore Girls. I hate it. Because she is always watching the show, I decided that to save our marriage I need to do something drastic. Here is the solution:

Das Gemüse. The Vegetables. Das Gemüse.

If you're going to run against the Cannon machine in the third congressional district in Utah, you'd better be pretty creative. Or rich. Or insanely conservative. Or all of the above. Christian Burridge is this year's Democratic challenger to Chris Cannon and, although he seems like a really, really nice guy, Mr. Burridge doesn't seem to have any of the attributes mentioned above.

What Burridge does have is a camcorder, some sweet Michael McClean music, and the love and adoration of his family and close friends. Burridge ripped off Called To Serve and made an awesome video highlighting some of the qualities that prove he can do well in Congress.

Here it is:

Burridge for Congress

I was hoping for a scene or two with Mr. Burridge riding his bike in a suit or perhaps ogling the one hot sister missionary in the MTC (I guess that is a complaint with Mr. Burridge's version and the original Church-produced version of Called to Serve as well).

I did like that his former missionary companion implies that he "came out" to Mr. Burridge on the mission. Also of note is Mrs. Burridge's intimation that her husband has to dumb things down for her to understand what he is talking about.

I wish this guy all the success in the world. Chris Cannon sucks. Vote Burridge!